We have a hawk that comes and lands on an old telephone pole across the street every day. At 11 am each morning, this large, soaring beautiful bird flies overhead, swooping and landing just a few meters away from my living room. I love that it has a schedule that I can almost set my watch to. This routine of diving in, taking a good look over the little field, and taking off again, each day, every day, lasts only a few minutes at most, and then it’s gone for the day.
When we first moved to this house a few months ago, I feared that we would lose our little routines that we had built into our life. We had been living in the same apartment for nearly a decade, and over those years, the habits that we created together brought me such happiness and security. When it became a necessity to move (that’s a different post), I was afraid that they would have to end as well. I’m going to paraphrase Rachel Hollis (www.thechicsite) here, and say that intimacy is built through shared experiences and I believe that creating a routine can really assist in building these experiences. I was afraid that the move would put an end to the moments we had had, that our daily schedule would come to an end.
Over the past 18 years, Mr. Beard and I have made our own groove that is unique to us. Each workday morning, and he’d probably be embarrassed to know that I’m sharing this, as Mr. Beard gets ready for work, I sit in on his shower. There’s nothing (well… usually nothing) sexual about this time. I couldn’t tell you when this started or why it did, but I do know that this is some of the best times we’ve had to truly connect. During these 10-15 minutes, there are no distractions, and no topic is off the table. We’ll discuss work, our child-free life, chores, hockey and politics (sometimes even intertwined). This brief moment in our day is a way we connect as a couple, first thing in the morning. It’s a time that is often filled with laughter and has us cheering each other on before we even leave for work. I’m not suggesting for you to sit in on your partner’s showers. I think most people wouldn’t be happy about it, but
I think finding the time, before your day gets properly started, to just talk and connect with your partner, helps to build stronger bonds with your loved one.
It’s funny, but our routines are usually unintentionally equally intimate, as they are practical. On Sunday mornings, we meal prep together. Each of us having a job, working almost like a conveyer belt, but working together with an end goal of good eats all week. This could easily be mindless time together. This could be seen as a chore. But for Mr. Beard and I, this is the time we bond. We talk about what we enjoy, we listen to music, and we sing. Or at least I do. Well… I try. In my rhythmless and off-key singing, I’m always ecstatic if he can guess the song I am singing.
When we made the move, a significant distance from Mr.Beard’s workplace, I was afraid that I would lose these moments and all the other little times we have together during the week. I worried that the rush of his commute would take priority to the times that we spend as a couple. But, as I write this, now two and a half months later, I’m happy to say, that just like the hawk, we have our routines that you can set your watch to.
Do you have routine relationship-building moments too? Comment below! I’d love to hear how you build those intimate moments into your relationship.
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