I’m a big fan of Sex and the City. I own every season, and at least once a year, I’ll go through and watch it from the very first episode to the grand finale with Big coming to the rescue. There’s something about Carrie being a writer that drew me right in. I wanted to be like her – have enough knowledge of one subject that I could become a writer and authority on it. Little did I know that that’s not necessary. I don’t need to be the best, I just need to be willing to explore, observe and share. Finding the confidence to follow through and actually start writing has been a different story.
Back in August, I spent a couple of days toying with creating a childfree blog and starting a community. I even had the name “Kidfree not Carefree” bouncing around in my head, but I felt uncomfortable even sharing the IDEA of it. I didn’t tell a soul for nearly a month. Then one sticky hot summer day when Mr. Beard and I were on a walk exploring a nearby park on a hot summer day, that I managed to whisper out “I think I want to start a blog”, and thus whispered Kidfree Not Carefree into existence.
At the time, a blog seemed trivial. I was afraid that he wouldn’t understand, or worse laugh; not that he’s ever laughed at my dreams. Instead, he was all over it, encouraging me and helping me find the time and tools I needed to start this new adventure. It would, however, take another 4 months for me to actually commit to Kidfree Not Carefree, not for lack of belief in what it could be, but for a lack of confidence in myself. I had that voice in my head, you know the one that doesn’t want you to risk getting hurt. For me, that voice says “Who are YOU? You aren’t special enough”. It may be there to protect me from getting too hurt, but damn if it doesn’t just sting a little too. This “You’re not special enough” belief held me back for too long. It’s caused me to miss work opportunities, having me downplay all my actual skills, talents and experiences. It’s made me question friendships with “How can these extraordinary people like plain old you?”, and well, caused years-long writer’s block. This belief limited me in ways that are just not productive, and it is now time to change “You aren’t special enough” to the truth of “You are one of a kind”.
I don’t know where this fear of being ordinary came from. I don’t even know why ordinary is seen with such disdain, but I do know that it’s time for me to shed the weight of it, and begin to see that my little ordinary life is filled with unique opportunities, that my ordinary life is filled with such love and happiness.
What is ‘enough’ anyway? It’s just someone else’s expectations that I am writing into my own life.
If I can quiet that, then maybe, just maybe, I can sit in my peace and quiet, with my cats, my husband, and my fuzzy blanket and enjoy the ordinary.
What’s your inner voice saying to you? Is it holding you back? Comment below with your inner mantra and what you want it to be!
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